DONT DELETE CAPTIONS//OTHER PEOPLE’S COMMENTS
that random moment when you suddenly remember someone who is no longer in your life and it feels like a knife through the chest
JENSEN AND HIS CUTE LITTLE COCKNEY ACCENT PLS
I’m a South Londoner, and I’m not just saying it coz I’m biased, but that is a bloody good English accent. I love that he knows we’re not all posh, and of course he sounds SO much sexier with an English accent than any guy here. lol
I know right, he’s pretty effing good!? I want him to do more roles with a cockney accent because DAMN (also you’re right about that accent coming from him sounding sexier than the boys here)
1. Trauma permanently changes us.
This is the big, scary truth about trauma: there is no such thing as “getting over it.” The five stages of grief model marks universal stages in learning to accept loss, but the reality is in fact much bigger: a major life disruption leaves a new normal in its wake. There is no “back to the old me.” You are different now, full stop.
This is not a wholly negative thing. Healing from trauma can also mean finding new strength and joy. The goal of healing is not a papering-over of changes in an effort to preserve or present things as normal. It is to acknowledge and wear your new life — warts, wisdom, and all — with courage.
2. Presence is always better than distance.
There is a curious illusion that in times of crisis people “need space.” I don’t know where this assumption originated, but in my experience it is almost always false. Trauma is a disfiguring, lonely time even when surrounded in love; to suffer through trauma alone is unbearable. Do not assume others are reaching out, showing up, or covering all the bases.
It is a much lighter burden to say, “Thanks for your love, but please go away,” than to say, “I was hurting and no one cared for me.” If someone says they need space, respect that. Otherwise, err on the side of presence.
3. Healing is seasonal, not linear.
It is true that healing happens with time. But in the recovery wilderness, emotional healing looks less like a line and more like a wobbly figure-8. It’s perfectly common to get stuck in one stage for months, only to jump to another end entirely … only to find yourself back in the same old mud again next year.
Recovery lasts a long, long time. Expect seasons.
4. Surviving trauma takes “firefighters” and “builders.” Very few people are both.
This is a tough one. In times of crisis, we want our family, partner, or dearest friends to be everything for us. But surviving trauma requires at least two types of people: the crisis team — those friends who can drop everything and jump into the fray by your side, and the reconstruction crew — those whose calm, steady care will help nudge you out the door into regaining your footing in the world. In my experience, it is extremely rare for any individual to be both a firefighter and a builder. This is one reason why trauma is a lonely experience. Even if you share suffering with others, no one else will be able to fully walk the road with you the whole way.
A hard lesson of trauma is learning to forgive and love your partner, best friend, or family even when they fail at one of these roles. Conversely, one of the deepest joys is finding both kinds of companions beside you on the journey.
5. Grieving is social, and so is healing.
For as private a pain as trauma is, for all the healing that time and self-work will bring, we are wired for contact. Just as relationships can hurt us most deeply, it is only through relationship that we can be most fully healed.
It’s not easy to know what this looks like — can I trust casual acquaintances with my hurt? If my family is the source of trauma, can they also be the source of healing? How long until this friend walks away? Does communal prayer help or trivialize?
Seeking out shelter in one another requires tremendous courage, but it is a matter of life or paralysis. One way to start is to practice giving shelter to others.
6. Do not offer platitudes or comparisons. Do not, do not, do not.
“I’m so sorry you lost your son, we lost our dog last year … ” “At least it’s not as bad as … ” “You’ll be stronger when this is over.” “God works in all things for good!”
When a loved one is suffering, we want to comfort them. We offer assurances like the ones above when we don’t know what else to say. But from the inside, these often sting as clueless, careless, or just plain false.
Trauma is terrible. What we need in the aftermath is a friend who can swallow her own discomfort and fear, sit beside us, and just let it be terrible for a while.
7. Allow those suffering to tell their own stories.
Of course, someone who has suffered trauma may say, “This made me stronger,” or “I’m lucky it’s only (x) and not (z).” That is their prerogative. There is an enormous gulf between having someone else thrust his unsolicited or misapplied silver linings onto you, and discovering hope for one’s self. The story may ultimately sound very much like “God works in all things for good,” but there will be a galaxy of disfigurement and longing and disorientation in that confession. Give the person struggling through trauma the dignity of discovering and owning for himself where, and if, hope endures.
8. Love shows up in unexpected ways.
This is a mystifying pattern after trauma, particularly for those in broad community: some near-strangers reach out, some close friends fumble to express care. It’s natural for us to weight expressions of love differently: a Hallmark card, while unsatisfying if received from a dear friend, can be deeply touching coming from an old acquaintance.
Ultimately every gesture of love, regardless of the sender, becomes a step along the way to healing. If there are beatitudes for trauma, I’d say the first is, “Blessed are those who give love to anyone in times of hurt, regardless of how recently they’ve talked or awkwardly reconnected or visited cross-country or ignored each other on the metro.” It may not look like what you’d request or expect, but there will be days when surprise love will be the sweetest.
9. Whatever doesn’t kill you …
In 2011, after a publically humiliating year, comedian Conan O’Brien gave students at Dartmouth College the following warning:
"Nietzsche famously said, ‘Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.’ … What he failed to stress is that it almost kills you.”
Odd things show up after a serious loss and creep into every corner of life: insatiable anxiety in places that used to bring you joy, detachment or frustration towards your closest companions, a deep distrust of love or presence or vulnerability.
There will be days when you feel like a quivering, cowardly shell of yourself, when despair yawns as a terrible chasm, when fear paralyzes any chance for pleasure. This is just a fight that has to be won, over and over and over again.
10. … Doesn’t kill you.
Living through trauma may teach you resilience. It may help sustain you and others in times of crisis down the road. It may prompt humility. It may make for deeper seasons of joy. It may even make you stronger.
It also may not.
In the end, the hope of life after trauma is simply that you have life after trauma. The days, in their weird and varied richness, go on. So will you.
Catherine Woodiwiss, “A New Normal: Ten Things I’ve Learned About Trauma”
geesh this was nice to read(via underunderstood)
So I was just cleaning the house and found this in my old room, figured I’d have some fun!
"What sort of fucking idiot burns a book? Burning a book is just childish. Burning a book is like burning a bra. After the adrenaline of the symbolic moment wears off all you’re left with is a pile of ashes and unsupported boobs" - Tim Minchin
Alright kids, let’s sit down and talk about why this is not acceptable and totally offensive.
1) You are burning someone’s holy book. Not only is that blasphemous to them, but it shows a complete lack of respect for anyone’s beliefs but your own. I don’t care if you don’t agree with the Bible, hell, millions of people don’t agree with the bible, but that doesn’t give you the right to show such a blatant disregard for their beliefs. Would you like if someone burned down things that were sacred to you? Just to “have some fun?”
NO. No you would not.
2) I get that you’re doing this for attention and notes. However, it doesn’t make you look edgy. It doesn’t make you look dangerous. It makes you look like a child who is trying way to hard to rebel. I mean, I understand that you want to portray a certain stereotype on tumblr.
Why do you have to do something so disrespectful to do it?
It ain’t cute boo
You’re not cool
You’re not edgy
You’re a cunt
I was given a Bible once. Not because I was a Christian but because the friend who gave it to me is, a strong Christian, and the one thing she knew that made ehr happy beyond all else was going to her book for guidance. Her words were ‘Even if you don’t believe in the God side of it I hope this can help you find somethingin it in the way it helps me.’
That was 6 years ago and everytime I go through my bookshelf to clear out books I don’t want/read anymore that Bible stays in the ‘to keep’ pile because it holds meaning that connects me to someone I haven’t seen in years, even if I’m not religious.
Burning books is an infantile response to something you don’t understand/agree with. Burning someone’s religious book is unbelievably disrespectful and worse than if you just burnt any old book - because you’re posting it up on a public site where you know anyone can see it, thus knowing that Christians will see this.
Seeeee I have a weird respect for holy texts. I’m agnostic, but damn, I’ve seen helpful passages from them, whether Christian or Islam texts.
A lot of the cores in these (e.g. the commandments) centre around being a good human being. You don’t have to be religious to take something from it.
Plus have you even read the bible? Even if you’re not religious it has some pretty good stories in it. Like that one time Jesus was mad at a fig tree? That was pretty cool! There are many interesting stories of betrayal and romance and action and adventure and more betrayal! Sometimes I read the bible just for the plot! I mean come on! frogs raining down from the sky?! That’s freaking awesome!!
If you ever feel bad just remeber there is a gif of me floating around tumblr of when I was 8 and I sat on the escalator and knocked down a table of jewelry at macys
I wasn’t lying